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Sequence 8Collaboration also underlies all good work with children. Alfie Kahn's useful contrast of "doing to"… |
Sequence 94 The NAMTA Journal • Vol. 23, No. 1 • Wimer 1998 |
Sequence 10PART I UNDERSTANDING SELF-DISCIPLINE Like others I had believed that it was necessary to encourage a child by means of some… |
Sequence 11Allie Kohn 6 The NAMTA Journal • Vol. 23, No. 1 • Winter 1998 |
Sequence 12BEYOND BRIBES AND THREATS: How NoT TO GET CONTROL OF THE CLASSROOM by Alfie Kohn In an effort to clarify the basic… |
Sequence 13home. Have you had the experience of finding it difficult to persuade parents to move away from traditional practices and… |
Sequence 14Reflect for a moment on the list we just created. What common denominators come to mind? What generalizations might you draw… |
Sequence 15about intellectual development at all, but deal more broadly with the kind of people we hope children will turn out to be,… |
Sequence 16DOING TO WORKING WITH METHODS FOCUS GOAL MESSAGE CLIMATE VIEW OF CONFLICT INTELLEC- TUALIN- FLUENCES ACADEMIC… |
Sequence 17and working with are basically the topic for this morning. I'm going to go over them quickly now and then come back to… |
Sequence 18If you want to know whether it's a punishment, don't read Montes- sori, don't listen to me; look in the child… |
Sequence 19here's what I'm going to do to you," or I say, "Do this and you'll get that," I am… |
Sequence 20is a child who in many cases has already been over-controlled- though not always. In any case, the last thing that child needs… |
Sequence 21Methods of Working with Basically, the methods that I'm putting on the other side of this ledger begin with what I'… |
Sequence 22making decisions together, so that the idea of choices does not necessarily mean just solitary children figuring out what they… |
Sequence 23was giving them to do and with my mistaken assumptions about learning and what a good teacher was. It took me a long time to… |
Sequence 24half her sandwich to the kid sitting next to her. This other kid just gave half her sandwich to the kid sitting next to her.… |
Sequence 25ambitious objectives, it is still not about these things on the working with side. We have to look at the extent to which we… |
Sequence 26that belief is there, all rewards and punishments could disappear and new ones would pop up like new Kleenexes in the box. I,… |
Sequence 27If you're getting kias to do good stuff in order to please you, With• out a sticker in sight, you have a problem. If… |
Sequence 28dysfunctional, then by all means we should emphasize becoming winners, or taking punishments and rewards and control for… |
Sequence 29worker. I don't like the use of the word work, frankly, and I know that puts me at odds with several traditions,… |
Sequence 30What's interesting to me about this logical match-up is how many classrooms I've been in where there's a… |
Sequence 31concrete example in a school environment that exemplifies a doing to approach or a working with approach. If it's one… |
Sequence 32Fourth, punishment gets people to think almost exclusively about their own self-interest. Whenever we talk about"… |
Sequence 33you saturate a child in an environment of so-called logical conse- quences, that child, if he grows up and thinks he can get… |
Sequence 34quently rewarded or praised are somewhat less generous than their peers. The effect is most pronounced when they are rewarded… |
Sequence 35WHY REWARDS FAIL 1. Rewards punish • because they're controlling • when they're not received 2. Rewards rupture… |
Sequence 36WHY REWARDS FAIL How come? Very quickly, let me suggest a couple of possible reasons (see Figure 2). If you want more on any… |
Sequence 37"Do this and you'll get that." Ultimately, that feels punitive. Analo- gously, I don't have… |
Sequence 38There is one way to take a bad thing and make it much worse. You're going to have to bring me back sometime for me to… |
Sequence 39than limiting the number available, but not as good as moving away from the reward and punishment approach altogether. There… |
Sequence 40But the fact that young children are so hungry for our approval-are they not?-puts an enormous burden on our shoulders not to… |
Sequence 41typically comes in two flavors: threat and bribe. Sometimes, if you spend your money wisely, you can get both in the same book… |
Sequence 42similarly ineffective because it gets nowhere near where the trouble is. It's a one-size-fits-all solution. Many of us… |
Sequence 43TWO MYTHS ABOUT MOTIVATION MYTH #1: "You can motivate other people." FACTS: • It's impossible • It… |
Sequence 44a different direction, to teach you everything about motivation that I know on one overhead (see Figure 3). It took me a while… |
Sequence 45two years old; her lips still move when she reads, but we're OK with that. My two-year-old is doing what two-year-olds do… |
Sequence 46And isn't more motivation what we want? If this were true, it would make perfect sense to follow the Pizza Hut executives… |
Sequence 47Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation Even this dichotomy is limited, as almost all dichotomies are, but it's a heck of a… |
Sequence 48appeared in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Deci, 1971). But I find people are more interested, for some… |
Sequence 49The second way I said we could make sure to undermine kids' interest in and concern about others is to reward or praise… |
Sequence 50were from a toy company. As soon as I heard there was deception involved, I said, "OK, good, sounds like social… |
Sequence 51thumb is that the more you want kids to want to do something, the more you would avoid rewards at all costs because of what… |
Sequence 52grained-at least stop doing it in public. Public praise is not about helping children at all. It is about control. If you… |
Sequence 53wants to be; it is an active way of taking her away from thinking about that and getting her focused on my face. Some little… |
Sequence 54What a great teachable moment. What a great opportunity to talk with him about exactly this. At seven you certainly can,… |
Sequence 55approve of what you've done. You've met my standards." What you're doing is merely helping her experi… |
Sequence 56We do it with infant rooms. "Good clapping!" Please. Fortu- nately, at the infant level they're too… |
Sequence 57set foot in the classroom. And you can tell partly that it's fake because of tones of voice. Three-year-olds can smell a… |
Sequence 58BREAKING OUT OF DICHOTOMIES By the way, when you talk to parents, one of the things you have to do is have them break out of… |
Sequence 59from recess, and they were all talking amongst themselves, very animatedly, and she walked over and said, "What'… |
Sequence 60other. You need the autonomy, but, equally important, you need the community." And especially with young children,… |
Sequence 61it's OK for people who don't mind. Or did you have to have a one- size-fits-all rule for the whole class? With the… |
Sequence 62But in this second-grade class, the kids were into this. One kid came up, when it was her turn to speak, and talked about… |
Sequence 63develop self-discipline, what they mean is to get the child to introject, to use the psychoanalytic language, or swallow whole… |
Sequence 64( curriculum. Every year, they showed up in the room. I had already designed it. I'd already put up the bulletin boards… |
Sequence 65had they not had a democratic class meeting about something appar- ently irrelevant like how do we want to decorate our room.… |
Sequence 66Kohn, A. (1992) No contest: The case against competition (Rev. ed.). Boston: Houghton Mifflin. Kohn, A. (1993). Punished by… |
Sequence 67Molly O'Shaughnessy 62 The NAMTA Journal • Vol. 23, No. 1 • Winter 1998 |
Sequence 68CULTIVATING SPONTANEOUS SELF-DISCIPLINE by Molly O'Shaughnessy Molly O'Shaughnessy draws on a number of… |
Sequence 69lessons, providing purposeful work, allowing freedom of choice, freedom to communicate, and so forth. We learned about the… |
Sequence 70harmony how she achieved such success and she told me, "I treat them like my mother treated me." Many adults… |
Sequence 71SPONTANEOUS SELF-DISCIPLINE I have done a lot of reading and research on the topic of discipline over the years, both to help… |
Sequence 72• No method of discipline can be effective with children unless it is developed from and is responsive to the needs of the… |
Sequence 73of the Possible (1996). Shoemaker talks about what he calls the culture of golfers, and the basic principle is "There… |
Sequence 74The old culture of discipline is based on what we perceive as right and wrong with regard to the child, without paying… |
Sequence 75child from the point of view that something is always wrong, then change is possible. We can move from a culture based on… |
Sequence 76many of these people were carrying a lot of pain from their own childhood. Often at the end of the year when students talk… |
Sequence 77world-getting in touch. Very often meditation is used to help develop mindfulness. Jon Kabat-Zinn (1994) defines mindfulness… |
Sequence 78provide for, a journey we must be committed to support-but it is a process that comes from within the child. We can either… |
Sequence 79• Trust in the child • Empathy • Acceptance of the child • Commitment to the child Knowledge we gain through our studying,… |
Sequence 80Studies show that "when a parent consistently fails to show empathy with a particular range of emotions in the child-… |
Sequence 81needs of each are different, it causes conflict and very often the needs of the adults will take precedence over the needs of… |
Sequence 82In their book on mindful parenting, Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn write: In the moments when we are able to catch ourselves and… |
Sequence 83attempt to converse with him on an adult-to-adult level, rather than as a child to a parent. On the flip side, I hold dear… |
Sequence 84• Focus on "Ways of Being" with the child. Discipline Begins from Birth Let's take a look at some of… |
Sequence 85and ordered as the laws governing the physical universe, such as the law of gravity. There is a plan for the psychic… |
Sequence 86children, especially in the Children's House, we often look to the immediate situation at hand and try to figure out what… |
Sequence 87is but whitewash to cover low self-esteem. With high self- esteem you don't waste time and energy impressing others; you… |
Sequence 88infant's brain develop. Through touch, we convey love, caring, comfort, support, and nurturing"(1994, p. 176… |
Sequence 89• Spend lots of time with your young children. Engage in enjoyable and meaningful activities, such as games, singing, reading… |
Sequence 90Any uexternal" • discipline or guidelines that we give to the child must correspond to and support inner disci-… |
Sequence 91because an inner need or directive of the child is not being met. Balancing of freedom and discipline (or responsibility) is… |
Sequence 92Our behavior is often full of contradictions and inconsistencies, which can be confusing, even frightening to the young child… |
Sequence 93presentations and how indeed they are even more powerful than a direct presentation. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "… |
Sequence 94The Need for Order We touched on this as well in the last section. Dr. Montessori tells many stories in The Secret of… |
Sequence 95the adult. Once we begin to understand the process and significance of independence in the child, it becomes easy to find ways… |
Sequence 96The Need for Freedom and Choice Closely related to independence is the principle of freedom. In order to become free we must… |
Sequence 97trarily make rules. We ourselves must be whole so we can be models for our children. BASIC MODELS OF DISCIPLINE Let's… |
Sequence 98Strictness and punishment may work in the short term, but we must always keep our long-term goals in mind. The long-term… |
Sequence 99child. They set no boundaries for the child and do everything for the child, not allowing him to grow in independence. The… |
Sequence 100We must help the child develop his will by allowing and encouraging choice, limited at first but with expanded opportunities… |
Sequence 101• Ask what, how, and why questions instead of telling. Too often we tell children how and why something happened. In this way… |
Sequence 102• Do not lecture the child. Act; don't talk. Listen to yourself one day and notice how much you speak-how many useless… |
Sequence 103• Use the "gentling the violence" technique, developed by a Hungarian woman named Magda Gerber, who founded… |
Sequence 104Branden, N. (1997). The art of living consciously. New York: Simon & Schuster. Briggs, D.C. (1970). Your child's… |
Sequence 105MOTIVATION: THE FOUNDATION OF SUCCESSFUL LEARNING by Mary B. Verschuur Like Alfie Kohn, Mary Verschuur emphasizes that… |
Sequence 106the shelf. For her child, this simple cycle of activity is a giant leap forward, demonstrating achievement she had not… |
Sequence 107leaf. There is no ennui, no hint that discovery is tedious. All her exploration is learning. This child, through her activity… |